In the age of the sell-out, no wonder we have so many lost boys.

My generation needs to do more to show youngsters that there is a better way to be a man.

You may have seen at least two young men online doing laughably staged, ‘spon-con’ - sponsored content this week. Now, there’s enough people criticising them for that, but what struck me was how unsurprising it was to see people selling out on social media. It’s the done thing, isn’t it? Whatever it is, whatever you do, you have a price. After all, we all have to make a living.

In our modern world you can be poor with integrity, or get by by not thinking too deeply about where the money is coming from. We are a product of the age of austerity; of once-in-a-lifetime fiscal events occurring every ten years; of war, cuts and tariffs. It’s all happening, all the time. Generational promises that you’ll be better off than your parents have stopped now. We all know you won’t. And therefore, key elements of our society have lost their purpose.
 
This Adolescence-inspired conversation of what it is to be a man is overlooking how the very things that we thought masculinity is about have been dramatically eroded. Being reliable, honest, trustworthy. These were facets of the men I looked up to when I was growing up. Having lost my father aged 15, my role models came from those around me. Many of those men had the stability of good wages and a secure job on which to build those foundations. These days, you’ll work your way up the career ladder to the point where you become too expensive, and then you’ll be made redundant. 

Netflix's Adolescene has provoked coversation across all quarters in the UK.

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​The movies' best man was a machine 

​And who were the characters we’d see on TV and in film? Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator II may have been the most ripped man on the planet, but it was his programming, manifest as an indefatigable protector of John Connor which stood out. 

Arnold Schwarzenegger's T-800 with future leader of the human resistance, John Connor. Image: YouTube

“The Terminator would never stop. It would never leave him. And it would never hurt him, never shout at him or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. And it would die to protect him. Of all the would-be fathers who came and went over the years, this thing, this machine was the only one who measured up”, says Sarah Connor.
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​​How do you do, fellow kids?

​I’m forty in October. And I don’t think we’re hearing enough from my generation on what it is to be a man. Why hear from us? Well, we’re transitioning to parenthood, having straddled the pre- and post- internet age. We’ve gone from posting Steve Buscemi on a skateboard to becoming the meme itself. In the way that only the internet can, even saying that is now a meme in itself! But we’re wrestling with the fact we’re mortal after all and it turns out, the world isn’t quite where we thought it’d be by the time we were scrolling for car seats. 
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Steve Busemi from 30-Rock as a ubiquitous meme

Enter, Tate.

Of course, there’s an alternative. You can be our age and have made your name through legacy-media fame. Facing the fact that you’re no longer the baby face, you can turn heel and cash in on young people looking for answers. Andrew Tate is the archetype but he’s not alone. You can see this rage-bait streamer across all areas. It’s all about the same thing, getting the grift done because it’s easier than ‘honest’ work and it’s on your terms.
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Tate’s particular brand of bile is extremely worrying. Puzzling Luton-cum-USA accent aside, he is a strong orator. What he says about women is abhorrent but it’s not what drives young, impressionable men to him.

Andrew Tate in a video where he says he's buying a Bugatti before telling you to pay to join his Telegram chat community. Image: YouTube / Real University

​These are lost boys, looking at the world and knowing that everything they’ve been taught about how to be successful is ostensibly a lie. You can get good grades, go to university and go on to a graduate job. Except, the tap is being turned off. In constant downturns, the jobs are fewer, the prospects are worse, and woe betide anyone wanting to pursue a career in a creative industry. If the arts cuts don’t get you, AI will.
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In the past these young men would have learned a trade and had the steady, reliable and increasingly financially rewarding job that a country with severe skills-shortages would bring. But our systems have not shifted. Even post-Brexit, little has been done to recalibrate our society to help our youngsters grow up to stand on their own two feet.

​In step Tate and his influence on the ‘manosphere’. To be a man is to be successful and to be successful you must be rich. How do you get rich? Pay for my course and I’ll show you. It is twisting a generation. Tate isn’t the only grifter but he’s a lightning rod because he’s so visible and so vile. His arguments are not going away, unless the rest of us stand up.

Since you’ve humoured me with my Terminator example, let me give you one more. WWE is often a hyper-reflection of our society. So, it’s unsurprising that even the archetypal good guy that is John Cena has had a volte-face and sold out for a title shot. After two decades as sports-entertainment's superhero, he turned villan for one final tilt at success. It’s caused a visceral reaction in the stadiums; he is booed with every word. 

Art imitates life as John Cena 'sells out' for a title shot at Wrestlemania. Image: YouTube / WWE / Netflix

​Railing against rage

So, where is our real-life railing against those who are toxifying our young men? Even our leaders are not able to keep their word. All this talk of ‘go and watch Adolescence’. Ok, then what?

Who is showing our young men that success doesn’t mean renting a Ferrari and posting it on Instagram? That ‘getting girls’ isn’t about being rich or being a hyper-misogynist.

Gareth Southgate started a conversation that the rest of us need to pick up and carry on.

How do we show them that getting ripped on your own in the gym and posting selfies is far less rewarding than getting fit playing sport with your mates?

How can we show a generation with prospects that take a hit with every tariff announcement that there is hope?

How do we provide that hope and stability in a world of uncertainty?

I don’t have the answers, but it starts with those of us who can, showing what it truly means to be a man. Showing that sticking to your beliefs, being honest and being dependable make you richer than any amount of cash can ever do.

​Selling out is easy. Let’s get working on how we can show our young men a better way.